so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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