He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
