Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
