New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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