After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
