You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
