he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
