If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
