I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
