Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
