i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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