So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
