Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
