How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
as a side note pls kill me
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
