Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
