So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
