Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
