how can u be prego again
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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