Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
