We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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