I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
