some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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