My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
