You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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