Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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