I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
