yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
