he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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