she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
