used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
