No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
