I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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