She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
True college students do jello shots in the library
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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