I'm eating all of the evidence.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
