but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
