Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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