Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
