i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
