WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
