sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
