Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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