it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
