you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
