Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
