i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
