i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sorry my hands just texted you
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
