Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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