low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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