we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
