no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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