Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
