Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
BRING THE BAGELS
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
